Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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