If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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