i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wat bout pragnant strippers??
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
