if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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