i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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