He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
