Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
