Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
