I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
