She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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