She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
