i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize