absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
