i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
