I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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