I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
A+ Viking dick
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
