Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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