I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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