maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
