Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
