So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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