i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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