Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dear god my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
