its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
