he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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