Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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