Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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