I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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