I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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