I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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