yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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