plz talk dirty to me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
