Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
