I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
