He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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