Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
