how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
