So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
