i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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