I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
