If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
