i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its liver damage thursday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
