we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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