i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
