sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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