Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
