My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
