She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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