Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
