So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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