So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
