I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
