Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize