Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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