hotel room ftw
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
