What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
