In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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