I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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