So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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