R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So many bounce houses so little time
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
