i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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