the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
