I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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