just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
