Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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