i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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