Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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