Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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