I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
