I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
