wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
