What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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