Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
