if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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