He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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