Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
