remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
