allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
