census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
