she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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