the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
