do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize