Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
